Russian prank calls - humor with a twist

Well, I have originaly devoted this blog to dull things like business, customs, sales and other things. Tonight I am taking a break and writing an article about prank calls in Russia. I hope that this article of mine may provide some insigt into the Russian culture and perharps would allow to understand us, Russians better.

Russian prank callers may or may not be part of a large internet-based subculture. If they are, they may join one of several groups, centered around particular leaders and often theme websites. The history of Russian prank calling began in the late 1980's when a cassete with records of conversations with an old man started flowing from hand to hand between Moscow's young men. The old man sure was a hard man for his voice was charismatic, full of special terms and very, very addictive. "You are all under the glass cap. We are watching your every step. There are serious people from the Spetsnaz watching your every step"... so he adressed the caller. The man, who is still alive hasbeen named "Ded IVZ" - "Information-Detection-Center old man". He remains an icon to this day.

Currently, the culture of prank callers is complex and quite different from, say, American jokers. Russian pranks involve long-lasting relations over the phone. The person recieving the calls is often referred to as "The victim" and the term may not be too far from accurate. Russian prankers are in constant search for "victims" who would last for several months or even years. This almost certainly means either mental problems or worst cases of human vanity, often found in TV-stars. There has been a case of a third-rate tv persona gaining publicity by becoming a renowned prank victim.

The most famous prank victims include:

- TV and movie stars. There used to be a prank website, dedicated to harassing famous Russians by phone. Some were involved in 20-40 conversations long stories.

- True "victims". One old lady with issues defined the callers as the company of the son of the local school principal, who "sells drugs and practices sodomy" and carried on cursing every caller viciously for 5 full years.
An old doctor with a prison term for illegal abortions behind his back was lured into believing he was being pressed by an old colleague of his. Threats, curses and often clever definitions lasted for a full year. As he began to turn the phone off, pizza delivery services, household moving companies, prostitutes and vets were sent to his doors to get the old man angry.

One particular trend in the Russian prank is dedicated to annoying officials. Police departments and especially the Army's recruiting offices often get pranked.

Moscow Exhibitions: Booth design, trends etc

I just came back from an exhibition in Moscow, called Intercharm. The event was large, expensive and hard as usual. 4 days of 12-hour shifts with little sleep and a lot of presentation work. Since I work in St. Petersburg, some of the issues regarding this Moscow event were somewhat strange to me. Not that I did not know about them, but rather that they seem worth underlining to me.

The event takse place in the Crocus Center outside Moscow. The complex includes 4 exhibition halls a mall, a concert hall and a hotel. The hotel is a 3-star, but during the Intercharm, room rates went up to 400 USD per night. So, we had to live in Moscow and take an hour-long ride in the Moscow subway to the exhibition.

We had the booth designed by a St. Petersburg exhibition company we've been working with for over a decade. They are good guys, but the designer seems a bit lazy. Generally, I draw the booth oiutline in Google Sketchup and send them a Jpeg so that they know, what I mean.

They do the graphics, we approved the final design, which looked somewhat like that:

We have abandoned the idea of using standard-issue constructions, as it is very important to stand out on a major exhibition, given that forst-row booths are somehow NEVER EVER given to anyone except the big Moscow companies.  So, during the planning, my major concerns were:
- The booth should stand out
- The booth should allow to vizualise the goods
- The booth should have a large storage space
- The audiovisual systems should work all right durig the show

I designed some kind of an original system for this exhibition. Out company is not rich enough to compose a 2 meter wide screeo of 4 HDTV's mounted on a frame, so I found a cheaper solution. The wall of the storage room is actually a screen for the projector, mounted on the side of the tower stand to the right. The distance is about 4 meters, so, given the slight shade from the banner, the 3000 lumen projector provides a sufficiently clear picture. It has to be on top, so that the image does not get abstructed by people, working at the booth.

I used my notebook as a source for films, presentations and slide shows, while the camera, connected via HDMI allowed to show large images of cosmetic procedures on the improvized screen. This is very useful, when presenting products for the use on the face. In the nail business, not having a system with a camera feed on a large screen is suisidal.

I have my favorite sound system, composed of a 3 "in" mixer from Mackey, a SHURE wireless system and a  pair of studio monitors (I have been usiung the M-Audio BX 5A for the last 3 years). The studio monitors are powerful enough, still, they are small and can be used at home for the rest of the year. A total of 18 meters of audio cables allows to move the gear freely across the booth.

I always start the exhibition by taking a walk around, asking the neighbours, if the level of sound on my booth is comfortable to them.

Now back to the Crocus center.

Surprises are:
- Paid acess for trucks with exibition materials ($250)
- No printing facilities (only one copy machine at the service reception, making copies for 50 cents a page and printing for 90 cents a page. We always take a printer to the exhibition, as 1500 pages is not the limit for "suddenly run out papers".
- Bad food
- Paid wifi in the exhibition hall. Wifi acess costs $150 for 4 days for 1 computer and mobile internet fails frequently inside the exhibition complex.

Now to the market trends.
It seems that Russian cosmetologists and their clients have decided to go mad. I have repeatedly heard the following phrase: "Blah, you've got c-o-s-m-e-t-i-c-s! Ahh, that stuff never works. We are here for injection therapy only! Well, seems like most of Moscow's well-to-do ladies start having botox at 25 and a multitude of mesotherapy coctails, fillers, gels, placenta extracts, stem cell extracts and the like injected int their skin. This may sound stange for European ears, but it is generally true for the Russian metropolia. Take into account the fact that some cosmetologists often can't boast anything except a degree in nursing and most "injection therapy classes" last 2-3 days "on condition of a purchase" and you will get the idea of what a market that is.

After it all ended, I went to a knife exhibition to hear a lovely story of one of the knife-selling companies having had an exployee arrested right at the exhibition after the police managed to trick her into skipping the paperwork. =) Well, I am so glad I left Moscow for home!

Future updates + some self-loathing

Earlier, I wrote about making myself do things. So I can have my own business in Russia. I need advice, bloody hell, lots of advice.

The problem is I am a lazy, self-dismotivated bastard. My wife wants me to quit my mother's business, but she wants me to do it for 14-year-old girl reasons, thouugh we are both 24.

Right. So, I havre these massage tools coming to the country and I expect the certificates soon afterwards. Now, my current problems are:

- I am the director general in a firm with little turnover from selling professional cosmetics, which I decided to make an online-selling range, rather than a saloon based one.
- I have to make my own money. No, I do get paid now, but as I said, my wife keeps telling me, she'd prefer 500 bucks a month with my mother at cannon shot distance.
- I don't have people to work with, as well as means to pay them. What this "company of mine" is now making just a bit more than my current salary.
- I only expect demand for the massage tools I am going to import.
- There is a chance, that if I follow my wife's demand and burn all the bridges, I'll find myself not making a living and choosing between selling the car to try to float for a couple more months or getting a job with a salary of $800 a month or even less.
- This mess also jeopardises my educational plans, as I am to start my Masters in global marketing online in August.

Well, what I want to share in the future:
- Problems of cosmetics market around the world
- How to turn creative management into a global crisis
- Democratic vs totalitarian market regulation system. Which is worse.

Stay tuned!

Gay rights in Russia

The world has been shocked by Russia’s new law, which effectively bans any public actions by St. Petersburg’s gay community. Many Westerners just can not understand, how a city, which claims to be the “gates of Europe” of the world’s largest country could pass a law, which seems so much against the modern idea of human rights.

Nevertheless, on March 7^th 2012, the law was signed by the Governor of St. Petersburg, which means, there are only a couple of days left, until it will be being enforced. So, how could this happen? In this article, we will try to answer this question from a political and language perspective.

Russian politics have always (for at least 200 years) been characterized as “acting despite the pressure”. Russia has always aimed at being a powerful player, somewhat, reinforcing its own independence by ignoring foreign advice and pressure. This was especially true in the soviet times, when the country was constantly preparing itself for confrontations with the West. We are using this to explain, why the parliament of St. Petersburg and the governor ignored international pressure. From their point of view, Western powers, always eager to spread their political influence, have been using international interest groups to pressure Russia. Russia, in its terms, has reacted to pressure as it always has: by ignoring it.

The entire concept of human rights has almost failed in modern-day Russia. It has failed politically after the 1990’s, when the so-called liberals and democrats promoted what is now called “the stealing, crushing and selling of our great country”. Millions lost their jobs and were pushed into a decade of poverty and uncertainty, crime flourished, population decreased. Anyway, for the majority of modern Russians, words like “liberalism” and “democracy” sound more like curses.

Finally, the popular attitude to gay people is quite negative. Decriminalization of 1993 did little to improve the situation. In particular, the Russian criminal culture places gay people into the lowest social position imaginable. In male prisons, gays must not be allowed to share food with fellow inmates, sleep on beds on which others sleep. There is no way to change this status, so a gay person in the Russian criminal culture is doomed. People are forced into being gay for serious offences, including rape of women and children. It is worth mentioning, that criminal culture is very influential in the modern Russian society.

The last, but not the least is that in modern Russian, pederasty and homosexuality are translated with just one word. So, it is clear, why the majority of population do not see any difference.

The new law is going to be popular. Similar initiatives have been proposed in several regions of Russia, as well as a federal law proposal. 

Sanitary Control - continued

If you are importing something like cosmetics or foods to Russia, expect sanitary control issues.

We are abnormal people. We have like 350 positions in the invoice, which have 24 certificates, issued for groups of products.

The first reaction of the sanitary control people at the airport was "We can't check your invoice, way too big. Go to the central office (20 km into the city through heavy traffic)". I moaned, I ripped my hair and beat my head against the wall. They agreed and checked the invoice in 4 hours.

Next time I came, I had the boss of the department telling me, my cargo was too complex for the territorial office to check. I asked: "Cam I help?" The answer was, "Take the invoice and write the certificate number with a pencil for every position. Err, like put numbers like 1,2,3 on the certificates and err, put those numbers on the invoice".

I made a reference table, binding certificate numbers to item ref. numbers (excel rules). Printed the thing - this became a 30+ page document, but they agreed to work with it.

Now, we have an agreement: I will give them an offiicial invoice translation + a paper, with the invoice sorted by certificate number (the same as before). They say, it is going to take them an hour or so with such a table.

Looks like a guideline to fight bureaucracy.

Custom Clearance - Sanitary control

We live in a time of wonders. Now, receiving a cargo of cosmetics requires both customs clearance and sanitary control. the latter is supposed to be conducted 20 kilometers from the customs office, which does not accept declarations after 14-00. =)

Financial black holes...

Russia is exactly the place, where money seem to dissappear into the demon-hole. Call it risk management, call it common sense, the glowing fiery letters say "KEEP YOUR MONEY SAFE". I am currently into an example of such a black hole in personal finance. That's called marriage.

I grew with a mother, so I've hardly heard of marriage preparations. And what a nightmare that is!

- Cars + bus for the guests (WTF, can't they move on their own?!)- $400
- Banquet - 30 people - $2500 + drinks for $700
- Wedding organizer + DJ - $1100
- Wedding photographer - $800
- Clothing for the occasion: Bride $2500, me $600
- Hotel for the wedding night - $400

OMFG!

Thanks, cap!

As I was about to write, we have finally worked our way into the government's purchasing programs. To discover that from October on they will be redesigned completely. Welcome to business.

Russia & Ex-Soviet countries: Gas, Love & Rock'n'Roll

Business, economic and political relations with the former members of the Soviet Union have never been easy for Russia.

Politically, any Russian government had a mixed attitude to them. Mostly, affections for Ukraine and Belarus, culture-wise, the closest relations of Russia. Negative feelings (politically) for the Baltic States, Still, the most controversial region is the Caucasus.
Georgia, Armenia, Azerbaijan are now independent. Still, large and powerful ethnic groups from these countries still live in Moscow and other major cities. With the current rise of "nationalistic sense", unhealthy debates became frequent.

Needless to say, gas and oil supplies have been an important political instrument since the very collapse of the Soviet Union.

Early in the 1990's nearly all the ex-soviet republics got supplies of energy resources from Russia at greatly reduced prices. This was pushed by political will of the Kremlin and popular attitudes. Plus, CIS inherited the spider-web of soviet communication (transport, pipelines, electric lines etc) which traditionally ran from the center of Russia to her borders.

Still, the links in hearts and minds have been much more important...

Legislation & regulation rules for Russia

The ultimate truth is: If your business has just finished a 6-month costly process of adjusting to the new legislation  requirements, it is about time for some new staff to emerge, which would require about the same amount of time & money.

Applies to: Rostehnadzor, Rospotrebnadzor

Who wins?

Rumors and data alike seem to indicate, that the US is deep in trouble. What do you think, who is going to win from this, who is going to lose?

P.S. "The economy is not going to matter the day after tomorrow" (c)

Government institutions: Surprises & Failures

Russia has a wide range of government institutions, which affect the life of businesses directly or indirectly.
A range of institutions are responsible for issuing certificates of various kinds, others may issue general regulations, which can influence companies, adding or, rarely, removing extra costs, etc.

Today I will list the institutions, which issue certificates for various fields of businesses. I will add links to the institution's official websites as well as links to useful resources a bit later.

1. Rostehnadzor - The Russian  Agency, which issues technical requirements and controls them. Directly influences the work of:
- Construction companies
- Real estate management companies
- Engineering companies & institutions, using industrial machinery

I will describe the types of papers, approvals etc, issued by this agency in the future posts and update this one.

2. Rospotrebnadzor - The Russian Agency, which controls the execution of consumers' rights in every aspect. The most frequently contacted by businesses.

Field of responsibility:
- Food industry (raw foods to retail \ catering)
- Hygienic goods: Soaps, shampoos, cosmetics etc
- B 2 P services, especially, ones, related to children
- Transport

Can act directly by issuing papers, like the new State Registration Papers of the Customs Union (more in future posts) or indirectly, by lobbying legislation. Has been involved in creating import bans for products from several countries & more.

3. Minzdravsocrazvitiya - The Ministry of Health and Social development. Issues certificates for all the pharmaceutics & issues approvals for medical institutions, children's institutions.

4. FSB (ex-KGB) issues certificates for transmitting\recieving devices, e.g. mobile phones, wi-fi hardware etc. Has other fields of interest, which I will discuss in future posts.

Thanks for reading and stay tuned!

Welcoming note

Hello everyone!

My name is Alex. I live and work in St. Petersburg, Russia. I semi-run a business, importing and distributing professional cosmetics.

Semi-run? Well, I am 23 now, with a BA in sociology and an unfinished MA in international business. It is only now that I have the experience, the energy and the will to take over and start managing in stead of working.

Here I will be sharing my work progress and experiences. I am always open to discussion!

Regards,

Alex